The Leach

Janelle is one of my best friends, and one with whom I usually have successful manhunting adventures. She is much more a relationship person than yours truly, and even refers to some of our Single Friend adventures as "husband hunting". Though neither of us are ready for a sparkly rock, she does bring up a good point in looking for a guy who isn't going to be just a fling.

Well, around New Year's... She found one.

They began with a whirlwind romance. Texting and calling each other regularly, planning their Valentine's Day getaway, and even (prematurely) meeting each other's parents.

Janelle was happy with this situation. She liked him and saw that he had potential. I witnessed some uber-adorable PDA and, though happy for Janelle, was concerned I would be losing one of my few Single Friends.

That is until they had sex.

The guy came to visit her on a Sunday, which they spent having brunch with another couple and wandering around the city. Throughout their day, they (attempted) intercourse FIVE times. And each time, poor Janelle barely got off before it was over. Two minutes. Done and done. So in one day they had sex for a total of ten minutes.

So much for that perfectly (if not too quickly) blossoming relationship. Thank God she took the car for a test drive.

At this point poor Janelle was unbelievably turned off. She wanted to give him the axe. How could this work if the sex was so TERRIBLE?

Belinda and I kind of felt bad for the guy. Janelle has to be the hottest girl he's ever hooked up wth. He was surely nervous and intimidated. And he was great in every other aspect, so why not give him a shot?

I will tell you why. Note that this was +/-3 Weeks into their "relationship" and he was already calling her his girlfriend. To complete strangers. And to Janelle. Problem #2? Yes.

And there was more. When Two Minute Man came to visit Janelle another time, he parked in a garage where he had to give the attendant his keys. Upon returning to his car, he noticed his bag of pot and pool stick were missing. (Pool stick? Appparently he's really into playing pool. Put this on the Cons list as well). A couple days went by and Janelle hadn't really been as warm as fuzzy as before, trying to detach herself slowly and avoid hurt feelings.

A bunch of us were at a bar watching the NFL Playoffs, eating, drinking, and having a great time. Well, Two Minute Man realized he was incredibly angry about his pot getting stolen. Dumbass. So while we're trying to enjoy Sunday Funday, Two Minute Man was NONSTOP texting Janelle, saying he was going drive an hour to beat up the parking garage attendant and asking her to leave the bar. She was giving him the cold shoulder and he wasn't getting it. Trying to calm him down and it wasn't working. Two Minute was turning into a leach.

This continued throughout the entire afternoon. He would call, she would try her best to be nice but firm. But essentially, the Two Minute LEACH was driving her crazy. I was starting to understand her frustration. He was latching on AND bad in bed? No good. Utterly terrible if you ask me.

This nonsense continued for a few more days. The Leach incessantly called, texted, etc. He was even bothering Janelle at work on numerous occassions when she wasn't immediately responding to his texts. Clearly he wasn't getting it. Claiming she was uber busy and couldn't talk at work, she began to "dump him" via text.

After three weeks of not really dating, you aren't technically dumping someone after all.

Once again, the Leach failed to understand that there might be an issue. He proceeded to tell Janelle that she was perfect and everything he was looking for. She became more and more disgusted with his nonsense and had to start getting mean. And he still wasn't getting it. This went on for far too long, until Leach decided to give up with Janelle and call her best friend Lila for a more in depth explanation.

Poor Lila had to try to smooth things over while somehow getting the Leach to understand Janelle was done with him.

Yet even still, he wasn't getting it. Two weeks after she had stopped talking to him, she was home for a party. He was asking if he could come see her after work.

The Leach is either dumb or oblivious, but she gave up on even answering his desperate texts.

Sad, really. Since the Leach had such potential. But it does make me wonder if we girls seem this pathetic when we aren't getting the hint. I mean, she told him straight out she didn't want to do whatever they were doing anymore. But he still wanted to try, try again. Was he genuinely that interested in her or just bothered that he was (harshly) rejected? Either way, things may have moved a bit fast. I just hope I'm never as dumb as the Leach.