Jekyll & Hyde

So after my blackout hookup (does it qualify as a hook up?) with Cornell and thinking back on past situations that were not dissimilar, I have concluded that I am a drunk slut.

No, but really. Sober I am a good girl who can say no with conviction no matter how badly I'd like to get in a boy's pants. I'm smart, polite and even rather articulate. But drunk me lacks all control and logic, and is more often than not freakishly horny.

Bad? Not for the guys on the recieving end. But for me, the next morning is always a painful puzzle. I am missing sections and piecing together how one thing led to another and why my clothes are on the floor rather than my body. In college, I found this perfectly acceptable. But now, a year and a half after recieving that life-altering diploma, I am starting to lose respect for myself. While these hookups now occur once every few months, when I find an occasion worthy of drinking to forget, I am still bothered by the mere thought of it happening again. But yet, it always does. Sober me freaks out about what a horrible impression I've made and how publicly embarassing I probably acted. Nevermind the whole one-night-standish-thing: the being "easy". Too much liquid courage and all shame is out the door. I'd like to think others involved can separate these two me's from each other, but I know this is not the case. I'm just hoping that perhaps the new year will mean the end of my blackout hookups; that I've learned my lesson and I can start fresh. Unfortunately, there are a few too many guys who experienced me blackout and while I don't remember a thing, I'm sure they always will.