Sketchy Steve

Back in July, I met a guy at the bar with Seraphina. He was cute, smart, well dressed and a law student. Seemed to be a nice enough guy. His friend TR joked that Steve often went missing, which I immediately used as reason to dismiss him. But he assured me that he'd come around for me. So we exchanged numbers and he actually called me a couple days later. But we never got together and he quickly faded into the background.

While Colby and I were at the Rangers game sometime in mid-October, I got a text from a random number. When I opened the text, I realized that it was that guy from back in July, asking me if I was out at the bar where we met. I was kind of drunk and responded enthusiastically, instead of ignoring the text like any smart girl would. So I heard from him a couple days later and agreed to meet him for a drink. And I even managed to remember his name before we met up.

We met up on a Thursday night and actually had a really good time. Somewhat suspicious, I joked around but was not overly bubbly. We had good chemistry, and of course he talked about doing things together in the future (a game I will never quite wrap my head around). He kept his phone out on the table, and I noticed someone with a gender neutral name called him twice during our date. Hmm. He mentioned a friend's party that following Saturday and invited me to potentially join him. I told him maybe and figured he might just go missing again. But since I'd had a good time, I tried to think positive.

Surprisingly, he invited me to go out with him and his friends that Saturday. I called up Elena to join me and we planned to head up to meet them at a bar in his town. I last heard from him around 9:00 PM while still getting ready. He was at his buddy's and said he'd let me know when they all headed to the bar. I dolled myself up and put on a fitted sweater, leggings, and 3" ankle boots (Steve is not that tall). I was feeling pretty and confident and curious about how the night would turn out.

So I zoomed over to Elena's and we decided to have a drink since I hadn't heard from Steve. One drink turned into two, and by 11:00 we decided to just head to our usual stomping ground. I thought about contacting Mr. Sketchy, but I was annoyed and figured it wasn't worth it. Elena and I ended up having quite a crazy night anyway. Oddly enough, I got a text from Sketcher as the bar was closing - saying "what's the matter?" then soon after "sorry that was for someone else"... So I said no worries and he said he'd wanted to see me that night. Well, I had zero information, idiot. The game continued, he contacted me the following weekend and asked me what I was doing on Halloween. As if I wouldn't have plans. And then asked me to meet him and his friends at the bar the following Friday.

For some reason (boredem? desperation?) I decided that despite his blunders, I'd meet up with him and his friends. On my own. I chatted a lot with his friend TR and we had a blast. He was all over me, and kept trying to smooch me. I think he was drunk...(perhaps because of the car bombs we had?) which makes everyone a bit more friendly. I realized that we could party together and hang out and just talk. And he was introducing me to his friends girlfriend and his friend from work. Whoa.

Then he went missing again. We'd exchanged gmail addresses, and he g-chatted me a few times, saying he'd be down to grab drinks in a few weeks. A few weeks? Really? When you've been missing for the past month? No thanks. So I was cool to him and decided to just give up on Sketchy Steve, since obviously he didn't think I was worthy of his time. I realized that I should adopt the same attitude.


Christmas night Janelle called me and we decided to meet up with some friends at the only bar open on the holiday. So while we sipped on our first drink, in walked none other than Sketchy Steve! I said hi and he went on his way, only to return numerous times throughout the night and just kind of....stand there and stare into my eyes. Janelle did a perfect impression - he came in from smoking a butt, beelined to me, and just stared! I tried talking but he seemed completely uninterested in such matters... It was quite odd. When I was kind of tipsy and being silly, he said he "liked me like that".... I told him I'm always silly but he had trouble believing me. I guess I'm more guarded and bitchy than I thought. In any case, I tried to be friendly and was generally confused by this fellow.

So I think Sketchy Steve - six months later - is a lost cause. I tried to be myself and still play hard to get - I didn't want to just give in and act like I was super into him. Even though I was enjoying myself...I wasn't just going to make the first move and accept every invitation he threw my way. He wants to get drinks once every few months, that's cool. But I'd rather he didn't pretend as if he is super into me when he pops up at the bar. Then again I suppose creepily staring into my eyes isn't necessarily him being into me. But now that we're connected on g-chat and facebook, he's just going to pop up on chat lists and remind me of his bizarre form of prolonged rejection.

Holiday Reflections

Christmas Eve is big in my family. My aunt and uncle do a huge fish feast and theres fifty or so people eating, drinking, and being merry. Anyway, my cousins and I reconnect and there is always the ever present question: "Are you dating anyone" or "Are you still with that accountant?" or (my personal favorite - from my divorcee cousin) - "Nice seeing you, Merry Christmas. Next year you better bring a boyfriend!"

Seriously?

I'm TWENTY FOUR! And as much as I love and appreciate my family, I'd have to be very serious with someone to brave bringing them around my loud and opinionated family. It's almost tempting to lie and say I'm dating someone fabulous. But I'd feel like I was jinxing myself if I did that. I just don't get it - can't my new job count for anything? My fabulous outfit? Giant tray of baked goods? I suppose it makes sense, I never bring anyone around. But I'm young! And I told them all how I have a great time. I am certainly looking for someone or something more that what I've had in the past. But I can't force it.

My uncle even asked me today if I'd tried online dating (since he lacked success in the area). Do I reek desperation? Okay, so perhaps I'm yearning for a bit more than I once was. And I'm not entirely fulfilled by my party lifestyle. But I'm not ready to just jump into something with a stranger met on the internet, either. I'm not really sure what I want. I'm not exactly meeting new guys every night. And when I do, it's not very often that they ask me out. And if they do, they certainly don't stick around for very long. I'm not sure if I'm missing the memo somewhere, since I just float through and try to think positive. Maybe I'm boring. Or perhaps its my inability to open up. I don't know. But I sure don't enjoy being reminded on Christmas!

Cock Boy

One night, Colby and I went to a Rangers game. Following the game, we wandered off to a couple of bars. Around the time we got to the second bar, I was +/- seven beers deep and quickly wandered off to the ladies room, where I proceeded to take a nap.

A short while later, I awoke somewhat refreshed and found Colby smooching a young man. She introduced me, but having been up since 6:00 am, I began to doze off while attempting the usual small talk. I was glad Colby was having a good time, and also found this Bro J's barstool uncannily comfortable. Soon after locking lips with this guy a few more times, Colby informed me that we had to run to catch the last train home. In the cab ride over, she told me all about this new boy and what a great conversation they had. They had similar interests and the best part was that he was from San Diego, where Colby lived for a few years after college.

A few days passed, and I asked Colby if she'd heard from "that guy she was making out with at the bar". She said that they'd been doing some texting and she perhaps wanted to meet up with him in the city on Halloween night. I was also planning to be in the city, so we made plans to go in together. Colby had been texting with San Diego on and off for the weeks in between, and told him she'd be in the city for Halloween. We began at a bar somewhere downtown, easing our way into what would surely be a long night.

Well, when it was nearing mid-night and I'd finished my second Red Bull vodka, I got really antsy. I told Colby I wanted to go see Kendall and Maura in Midtown, and it was getting late! Colby asked for 10 minutes to see if San Diego Boy was going to text her again. Having little trust in random guys met at bars (for many obvious reasons), I began to doubt that this dude would actually appear.

Surprisingly, he did! Unable to find a taxi, we walked blocks upon blocks to a party to meet him. When we met Mr. Coming to America himself, he turned out to be quite nice and the party was a blast! It was like college, complete with giant tupperwares filled with ice and canned beer and a sketchy bedroom for "secret" activities. I let them bond while fiending drunk dials from Elena, letting Colby get to know this fellow from the bar. Eventually, we decided it was time to move onto our next venue. Colby made plans to meet up with him later that week after he finished a mid-term.

When she texted him a few days later, asking how studying was going, he replied to her with the below, saying "thinking of you":

What a lovely way to say hello!

Thanks for the Thanksgiving Wisdom

My great aunt was happily married to my grandmother's brother for +/- forty years until he died. Still a spitfire (with an immacualte home) at 80, she asked me on Turkey Day if I have a boyfriend. Obviously no. And asked if I get asked out a lot.

I grimaced and thought about the last time I was asked out. And how he, like most others, went missing.

"Rarely." I said.

She looked at me, then to my mom, and said "Maybe you don't have the right approach." Before I even had time to react, my cousin's girlfriend chimed in and said something about how pretty girls have a hard time because guys are intimidated. I always find that this is bullshit, since my much-prettier friends have zero problem getting asked out. I laughed saying that I also have a mouth. My cousin's girlfriend smiled and the subject was dropped.

My great aunt's comment really got me thinking. She was happily married, and I imagine was quite a "looker" 55 years before. Maybe I don't have the right approach. I mean, on my way to and from work, I rarely smile. Actually, I don't really smile much at all. That would probably be a start. And when I do meet someone new, I act completely uninterested...Even when I am. It's that whole guarded thing again. I try to heed Janelle's advice and take down my emotional wall. Part of it might be because, no matter how many compliments I recieve, I've never thought of myself as pretty. Yeah, maybe I'm okay. Whatever. My roller coaster of jobs since college plus recently gaining back the fifteen or so pounds I lost in the time since I graduated hasn't exactly made me feel very good about myself. Maybe I appear negative and people (guys) notice. Definitely not the right approach... But I don't really know what to do to make my approach the right one...

The Gentleman Caller

Janelle always manages to forge new "relationships" and talk to new guys before ever really well, meeting them. Facebook poking to her is what the wink is to match.com users (if I am correctly informed). Typically, they are friends of friends who she thinks are cute. No matter.

This time, an acquaintance messaged her and asked to hang out. They went back and forth with Facebook messages, then he asked for her number.

A couple days later, a number just one digit off from her own phone number blew up her phone. Thinking it was a prank, she ignored it.

But it was not a prank. It was him! He actually called! And has continued to do so, asking how her day's been and such. Adorable. Yet so rare these days! The last guy to call me was the accountant, and before that.... I have no idea! We've all become so lazy and rely solely on text. If a guy won't call me, I'm not going to just up and call him!

Have our expectations become so low that a guy who calls is that incredible? I mean, I suppose it's a nice gesture. After all, a call implies he's really thinking of you. When he's texting, he could be contacting four other girls at the same time (and saying the same bullshit). But the calling. It really makes you feel special. The guy is really putting in some effort. Hopefully Janelle has some great luck when she actually goes out with the gentleman caller this weekend. We'll see!

Satisfactory Singledom?

This weekend, we had an absolute blast for Janelle's birthday. Open bar and a dancefloor: I was in heaven. I frolicked around with the girls and, despite my throbbing toes, boogied the night away. Now, there were plenty of new and eligible bachelors. However, I had no desire to talk to or dance with any of them. I just wanted to do me. So, I kind of wandered away if a guy approached me and just hung out with the girls. I must admit, Sunday I got a little sad. Perhaps I should have given that short, annoying guido a chance. But he had taken full advantage of open bar, and I was still sober enough to feel my feet hurt at 3:00 am.

In any case, I think my slight sadness on Sunday was due to too little sleep and even less to eat. But afterward, when chatting with my friend Chaz (who's in love with Seraphina), he asked me "which of his friends I wanted to sit on". I thought about it, and no one came to mind. Among his friends or otherwise. Oddly enough, Cornell popped into my head over the weekend, but it was fleeting. I've been on a couple dates with a guy I met, but I'm not sure I'm feeling him. I think I'm becoming okay with the way things are. I have about ten pounds to drop (again). Maybe once I feel less like a linebacker (and more like a PYT), I'll be more willing to hookup or even seek a relationship. But for now, I'll crush on the new guy at work and focus on dragging my (ever expanding) ass to the gym a LOT more often.

The Eye F***er: Corporate Edition

As I have said before, I work on a large trading floor. Depsite the large percentage of males, the attractive ones are hard to come by. There is one particularly sexy male who seems to find me as hot as I find him.

Or it least it seems that way.

Whenever I see him on my way to the bathroom or to refill my eco-friendly water bottle, he catches my eye in an intense stare. Not just a normal "I'm checking you out" stare. No, this is totally way more of a "I'm undressing you with my eyes and doing naughty things to you" stare. Ok, maybe I strut in my best attempt to look like Heidi Klum at an Angels show. But this only started after the eye fucking began. Every time I walked by him, he stared ever so intensely. I did not initiate said eye fucking. I mean, I definitely noticed this man, who is well-dressed, dark haired, and chiseled. But really? At first, I figured he thought perhaps I was new and cute or perhaps looked familiar. But no, they've continued for months and have yet to stop!

At first I held out on telling my coworker, Avery. But eventually I needed validation that I was not insane in noticing these stares. On our way to the caf one day, I spotted him across the way and, without turning my head, told her he was to my left wearing the blue shirt. Sure enough, she looked and said "OMG! He's staring at you!". Validation felt good.

So this has happened a couple times now, me getting girlishly nervous when he is in close proximity (I chattered excessively when he was behind me and Avery in line for the cash register). And him staring at me, but not really reacting. I mean just yesterday, I was en route to the ladies room and he was walking perpendicular to me and TURNED HIS HEAD TO LOOK. I mean maybe he just has a staring problem? One time I managed a half smile, which he returned. And another time, we were alone in the kitchen, but I stood in the corner, avoiding eye contact. Why? I'm not sure. If he'd wanted to initiate a conversation, he could have made his way over. Really though, I prefer not knowing his name or his position (or relationship status). He's just much better mysterious. It'd really ruin the fun of a mutual eye fucking if we had to say that obligatory and awkward hello upon passing each other in the hallway. I don't know if he wants to do me or just think about it, but it sure makes it more fun to go to work!

The Proposal

The girls and I went out not long ago to our favorite summer spot. Janelle brought along some customers of her parents, who happened to be in town from Florida painting bridges. They're Greek-American and apparently bridge painting is a very Greek-American thing to do.

Anyway.

We gathered and the boys immediately bought rounds of drinks. The two outgoing ones were a bit crazy and not particularly attractive. The quiet one, however, was CUTE. I especially liked his purple v-neck t-shirt and gold chain. He called himself Snow but ironically had a nice Floridian glow. Depsite my designation as driver, it was early enough where I felt it was perfectly acceptable to throw back the shots of Patron these bridgepainters were handing me.


We made the rounds, circling this enormous indoor/outdoor bar. Although it was packed, reserved young Snow (apparently he's still in college) seemed particularly intriguing. So I decided to focus my attention on him. And he seemed more than okay with hanging out with me. Snow told me that I was the prettiest girl in the bar, complimenting me constantly. I didn't hate it. Of course, I questioned it and though I took the compliments, had trouble believing most anything he was saying.

I mean really, prettiest girl in the bar? HA.

Anyway, we talked about work and family and what not. He had a slight Southern twang and kept calling me darlin'. Even though I knew this would be short lived, I figured I'd take the ego boost when and where I could get it. As time went on, we had a couple more drinks and he started talking a lot more. He told me about his mom and how he was adopted, his desire to have and support his own family someday, and how girls are usually not interested in him. I was shocked by this but in some way felt like I was talking to a male verison of myself. I reassured him that this was not the case and I found him quite attractive. This was obviously true. He continued complimenting me. And calling me darlin' in that cute little twang. Eventually he asked me how old I was... I answered truthfully and he refused. Hm. Ok. His license was still vertical, meaning he was definitely younger than 22.

Oh well.

So then he started asking me to go back to his hotel room. And told me we'd just "get to know each other". Okay, I've heard that one before. I said no and no again, until eventually the girls sought me out for my car keys. They told me if I wanted, to go back with him. I wasn't sure nor was I drunk enough to be easily swayed. He asked again and I refused. I told him he could take my number and take me to dinner. He did, except he said he'd left his cell phone in Florida (WHAT!). I wrote it on the back of a bar receipt (classy) and we kissed goodbye.

Thinking the kiss might make me reconsider, I went for it.

Not a good idea.

Snow then said "I love you. I'ma marry you one day. Two years!"

I was flabbergasted. But obviously flattered.

We smooched again, and finally said our goodbyes. I walked back to the car, intrigued, excited, and slightly freaked out. Was he really hammered? Would he really call?

The next day, he did. From his hotel phone. He left a voicemail, but no number to call back. And his last name had about 15 letters, so calling the hotel for his room was out of the question.

Guess we won't be getting married in two years. PHEW!

Burn.

For the past few months, I have been communicating on and off with Kendall's ex-boyfriend's roommate's roommate. A friend of a friend of a friend if you will? A while back (before Kendall's ex became her ex) a bunch of us went out and had a good time. He lives in the town where I work, and chat on facebook and what not. I'm not sure what he thinks of me, but I thought he was reasonably attractive and seemed super nice. While I had no intentions of dating him, I at least thought he could be a new friend. So while out with coworkers at a weekly summer music thing in the town where I work, we decided we'd meet up. He told me where he was and I didn't rush to that bar. Instead I wandered with my coworker until I felt I was ready to go flirt? Make small talk? Drink? With this acquaitance.

Well, that didn't happen. I walked into the bar and we greeted each other...He introduced me to his (cute) buddy. Then he didn't say much, okay, anything so I beelined for the bar. After paying for my drink, I looked his way. He wasn't facing my area, so coworker and I did a couple laps around the bar. When we went back outside, she smoked a butt and I kept my eyes peeled. At this point, the guy was clearly not looking for me, nor did he notice me creeping ten feet away. I finished my drink and grabbed my coworker.

On our way out, I practically slammed into him on his way from the bar. He had three beers in hand, but did not so much as turn in my direction. Disgusted, defeated, and not quite drunk enough, Avery and I made our way home. I passed out, trying not to think about what had happened.

I woke up to a text the next morning that said, "I didn't even get to talk to you...". Sent at 1:14 am... a solid 3 hours after I'd given up and left the bar. Did he want to talk to me? Because it sure didn't seem that way. And I was not about to wait around and find out. Perhaps I'll run into him at some point, but I definitely will not be sending the first message on facebook chat. It just sucks that I thought maybe we could at least be friends, and after hello he brushed me off. Kendall said that he sometimes gets quiet and weird when he's drunk, and perhaps that was the case. But it's still a bit of a blow to the ego.

The Wild One?

I tend to be considered a wild child. Frequently I wonder why. I mean, really. Who doesn’t like a cocktail now and again? Perhaps I am a little “wilder” than most. I’m young and I want to have a good time! But lately, I’m starting to wonder if this is deterring me personally and professionally.

Let’s start with my personal life. On three separate occasions, I have been pegged the crazy one amongst my group of friends. Sometimes, I bring this upon myself by cheers-ing with a new acquaintance and challenging him to a chugging contest. But on these more recent occasions, I was acting just as normal, if not calmer, than my friends. I was put up to a kegstand just..because I looked like I could do it? Granted, I do always seem to be the one who steps up to take that shot or chug that beer. But even worse, I am sometimes called out when no such instances occur. Just a couple weeks ago, I was standing against the bar, barely touching my drink, and I got pegged. “You!” this guy said, “You’re the crazy one!” Huh?

What did I do or say to prompt this? Is it my unruly hair that gives it away? Do I have a twinkle in my eye (or perhaps a twitch from too much caffeine)? Are my mannerisms more provocative than those around me?

I’m not sure. But I’d really like to know.

At work, I’ve already been pegged as a party girl. While I often joke around with my fellow admins, I don’t ask our team of analysts where they’re headed for a drink. Nor do I dress any “sexier” than any one on the desk. I try to steer clear of anything too short, tight, or cleavage baring. SO what is it? Perhaps my sense of humor? Outgoing nature? I am my no means straight laced, but I do try to maintain a certain level of professionalism. It’s just uncomfortable sometimes, feeling that even at work I might be judged for what I’m doing after 5:30 or on the weekend.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no intentions of changing who I am. I’d just like to know why even complete strangers think I’m so ‘crazy””when I don’t think I’m very crazy at all. Fun? Absolutely. More fun than you? Very possible. I just hope that when I am pegged, it is in good humor. I don’t want this apparently obvious quality to hinder my career or stop a guy from dating me. I wish I could do a survey or a test to figure out what prompts this snap judgement. That way I could try to maybe be calmer in the presence of strangers or keep my sarcasm to a minimum. I mean, let’s be real. I’m fine with being a party girl. But even when I’m not partying?

Brief TSF Psychoanalysis: I often use humor as a defense or a way of finding common ground with people I don’t know well. Is this why??

I WOULDA Gave You My Number...

My three bff's and I went out to a new town a while ago. Why not change it up?

I'd had a rough week and wasn't feeling like my usual self. None of my clothes seemed to look right and as soon as I went out side, my perfectly flat-ironed hair developed an awkward poofy wave.

Hello New Men!

Yikes.

I drank two martinis at dinner to calm my nerves and had developed a healthy buzz before we left the restuarant. While I was saying silly things, I still felt unattractive, stuffed, and like the DUFF in mywonderful group of friends (who ever so kindly listened to me whine for probably felt like hours).

I forced a smile onto my face. Janelle and I were on the prowl, and this bar seemed full of eligible suitors. I spotted one right away at the bar. I'd overheard him talking about a certain company and interjected that my friend Elena worked there as well. The guy's friend said something stupid and I played along. But then I looked to my left and saw Janelle, Belinda and Seraphina laughing as they looked in my direction.

A break came in the conversation and at this point I felt like such crap about myself, I wanted to crawl into a hole.

Pour me another vodka tonic, please.

I attempted to put my best flip flop forward and we continued to circle the bar. Our fellow patrons were attractive enough, but I was in no mood to apparently embarass myself again. When Belinda's boyfriend and friends arrived, I stood with them while Seraphina and Janelle went off to see what else this bar had to offer.

Belinda's boyfriend handed me a shot of Jameson. Maybe liquor would have its usual effect on me and lighten my mood.

We circled a bit, people watched a lot, and I felt alright. Not great, just alright. I somehow started talking to a reasonably attractive male in his mid-twenties. He'd noticed me and the girls circling the bar like vultures on prey.

Shit. Caught in the act.

I denied his accusation and we discussed work. Turns out he was a Carnegie Mellon MBA student whose summer internship was at the company across the street from where I work!

This could work out nicely.

I chatted with him for a few, this time far from earshot of my girls (as much as I love them of course). His Guido/tiny Hispanic/questionably straight friend remained quiet, so me and Carnegie discussed work a bit more. He had a similar story to mine, which included lots of jobs and a bout of unemployment. He was smart and seemed nice enough. A few minutes later he excused himself to go to the boys's room.

I popped back over to my posse, but kept my eye out for Carnegie. He returned to his spot just a few steps away. I looked over and made eye contact but did not walk over, since I was unsure if his need to take a leak was real or not. He came toward me with tiny friend in tow. We continued chatting, talking about various topics, the normal stuff. We had even more in common, than I thought before. Conversation flowed nicely.

Tiny friend spoke up only to tell me my hair looked like a puff and was messed up. We had even more in common and shared a love for all things food-related.

Thank you Captain Obvious.

I'm sure I "accidently" shot him a death stare. I got slightly offended by this little Papi and thought it was rude he decided to tell me this. I thanked him in my most sarcastic tone for the reminder.

After this comment, the conversation got awkward. Carnegie and Tiny said they were going to depart, and they said nice to meet you and out the door they went. Oh, okay.

Don't worry, I won't get started with my nonsensical ramblings about having a spectacular connection with this stranger. But he could have pretended he had an interest. I mean, I get that he may have a girlfriend at home. Or, why would he bother taking my number knowing he's not going to use it? I don't know. But I'd rather pretend! That ego blow especially after my apparently terrible hair night just pushed me further into pathetic mode. Burn.

Weirder still is that Janelle also chatted with a guy at the bar for an extended period of time. And he also did not ask for her number. Did things operate differently in this town? I don't know if it was us or them, but I'm confused (and, per usual, rejected).

The Handyman

I hate to admit it, but I live at home. We decided to get some painting done, so my Mom got some guy's name from a friend in the area. He's 37 and single, apparently. Blah blah blah.

I came home Friday afternoon to an unfamilar vehicle in the driveway. I guess things were getting started. He was in the basement, but I remained upstairs since clearly I had no need to speak to this man. While I was eating dinner, I got a text from an unknown number that said "Hey. It's Bill. Are you here?"

The Handyman was texting me. From my basement. And I never gave him my number - instead he got it off my e-mail signature when I confirmed receipt of the invoice he sent to me to forward onto my mom. Confused, I didn't respond. He came up a few minutes later and asked if I got his text. This should have been a red flag.

Mom and I had picked out a vanity for one of the bathrooms, but it was too large to fit in either of our sedans. I still hadn't picked out a color for my bedroom, so the Handyman asked me to go with him to Home Depot so I could finally choose some paint. I thought this was semi-normal and off we went in his gigantic pickup truck.

We made small talk in the car, but I did not go out of my way to fill the awkward silences. He talked a lot about himself and I pretended to be interested in what he was saying. We scooped up the vanity, but I still was unable to make a decision on paint. He mocked me and I told him I was very particular. Without paint, we took the 15 minute drive back. It was nearing 8 pm, and he starting whining that he was hungry.

And then he said, "Can I interest you in some dinner and drinks". Stunned, I mumbled something about having already eaten and moved on. We got back and he started talking to my mom and again, mocked lack of ability to choose a paint color. Ha. Ha.

I started moving the remainder of my stuff out of my room to prep for painting. And once I sat down to relax, I got another text from the Handyman. Asking if I'd be willing to take him up on his dinner offer at a later time. Unsure of what to do because this man would be in my house, I said it might be fun. He then tried to start a conversation and I didn't answer.

Yesterday I was out all day, and he took it upon got yet another text that his offer still stands regarding dinner. I ignored it, and when he returned to finish up ignored him as much as possible. He interrupted me while I was on the phone to ask if I liked my room, and called me by a nickname usually only used by my family. And he asked my mom if the princess was happy with her paint color. He also "surprised" me by removing my light fixture, throwing it out, and installing a new one. Without consulting my mother or me. This dude was a serious creep. He finally wrapped up, and my mom told him he was too old for me. But I can't help being really spooked out by the whole incident. Ick.

Rejection Tango

Cornell and I (yep, same one) have kept in touch on and off over the last few months. We randomly would text each other, and even met up once. I even drunkenly texted him while out with the Accountant (more on him later). He usually ends up asking me to come over, and I politely decline and ask he text me before 9 pm. Even though I'm clearly a piece of ass not worth seeing in daylight, a few weeks later I try, try again!

Crazy? Yeah, probably. And totally not a "me" thing to do. Usually, I figure if he's interested he'll make some sort of effort to hang out. And if not, screw it. I move on.

But for some reason, I can't get him out of my head.

I attribute this to the immediate feeling of comfort I got with him. We had an easy dynamic, a rhythm. Wacky as it may sound, I just felt like we were on the same wavelength. When Seraphina met him, she noticed that we had "the same" sense of humor. Whether or not this is the case, I'm sure he doesn't think I'm anyone special. When I told him I couldn't be his booty call, he said he wanted to be friends. I can work with that...and obviously show him how fabulous I am!

That lasted maybe a week or so at best. Despite the drunken lines in feeds me (which he claims are not lines) and his quick responsiveness when I text, he's made it pretty clear I'm not worth his time. He often claims he wants to hang out and was 'going to text me but forgot' or will continue a conversation after I've stopped responding.

I've tried deleting his number so I do not have the option of texting him, but I cannot bring myself to do so.

During our most recent texting fest, he was obviously trying to convince me to go to his apartment. And made reference to that fateful night where we apparently (must have?) hooked up. He said he "had a great time the night you slept over".

Ughh. I was hoping we could just put that behind us? It was months ago after all.

I must have just been unforgettable.

So, rather than agree that I had a great time as well, I decided to do what I do best. Be honest. I told him that night was fuzzy and I think he has the wrong idea about me. Of course he shot back with some nonsense that he knows I'm a "sweet" girl and he doesn't have the wrong idea, but really wished I'd go over. He also said I was dodging him and he'd wanted to hang out for a while. I tried telling him that I'm not dodging him at 3 am.

Essentially, we got nowhere. I was happy to (drunkenly) tell him that evening at his apartment was fuzzy. Even if it didn't sink in.

So the next morning, he apologized for asking me to go over so many times the night before.

I told him no worries and that was that.

That was maybe two weeks ago. I resisted texting him...

UNTIL I HEARD HE'S QUITTING HIS JOB AT THE VERY COMPANY WHERE WE MET! AND MOVING TO THE CITY!

Guess I'll really never see him again.

Against Korey's advice, upon hearing this news, I texted him. Of course. I told him I'd heard he quit and bid him good luck. He said some BS and we went back and forth. I eventually passed out, and woke up to a text that said we should get a drink before he leaves town. I responded (dumbass Single Friend) that I'd be down even though we always say we're gonna meet up blah, blah. He said we'd figure it out. I told him I wouldn't hold my breath. He said I was harsh. I said I was not harsh, just saying. And if he ever wanted to get that drink to let me know.

And that was that. Strangely, I feel relieved. If we couldn't meet up here, there's no way it will happen after he moves. Maybe now I can actually delete his number, knowing the odds are much slimmer that we'll ever encounter each other on purpose or by accident. It was obvious all along that he didn't want to be friends, and just saw me as easy. Maybe he liked me for a day or six. But he got what he wanted. And moved on.

Why can't I?

The Work Crush

I recently got a new job. Before I started, I told myself this would be a career move and I would not be distracted by the hundreds of sexy bankers in my building.

The girl I'd be replacing gave me a brief orientation, and I met some of the team members. Including the twenty-something who'd be my new neighbor (as in directly to the left of me!). He stood up, smiled big, and enthusiastically shook my hand.

A few days later, I took over at my spiffy new desk on a 900-person trading floor. I was unfortunately without computer log on information, so I diligently observed my coworker, Avery (who sits to my right). And I began chatting up that incredibly cute neighbor on my left.

I found out in our many conversations that he'd played hockey at Yale and was from outside of Boston. We had a lot in common and frequently discussed the bar scene at our respective colleges. I quickly realized that aside from some very nicely shaped buns, he was funny and carried with him lots of random facts.

Uh oh.

Soon after IT got my computer up and running, Yale asked for some assistance. I jumped at the opportunity to a) help him and b) attempt to prove myself. While explaining a project, he leaned over me, grabbing my mouse to demonstrate where to click.

I pictured the 898 people around us clearing out immediately so I could have my way with him.

The days went on. We reminisced about college, exchanged stories of the weekend, and commiserated over dried-out contact lenses.

While on our way to happy hour one evening, Avery, my boss, and our fourth admin team member pointed out to me that Yale would be perfect for me. Avery heard our day to day banter, and assured me that he liked me. She even said that prior to my arrival, he was often quiet and hadn't talked to many people as much as he talked to me. I laughed it off and said yes, I'd be interested but thought the girls were perhaps reading into him too much. I thought he was just chatting. Was I making a weak attempt to be career oriented?

A few weeks into our gig, Yale got a seating upgrade and moved a few rows over to more prime real estate. How would I make excuses interact with him now?

Luckily, I didn't have to. Whenever he needed an admin task taken care of, he popped right over. He always replied to my standard e-mail messages with an enthusiastic Thank you! Or even a clever conversation starter. During one of his standard visits, my coworker joked with me via IM that my 'boyfriend was standing behind me'. I responded with a 'lol' and said that if he was in fact interested, he could do something about it. Always wise, she then told me he's probably afraid since employees aren't allowed to date within their department.

Of course. Why did I think I'd have a shot?

Oddly enough, this newest Ivy League work crush was beginning to freakishly remind me of my previous crush on Cornell. I had a reason to look fabulous and someone to look forward to seeing everyday. Though with Yale, it was more friendly than flirty (plus we've yet to have an opportunity to openly flirt without numerous people listening). Despite how cute Yale is and how much I enjoy our exchanges, I'm beginning to wonder if these work crushes develop for a different reason than their utter adorableness.

A Glamour article I read discussed how many of us go for unavailable guys. Have I developed these crushes on coworkers because I know (somewhere in the back of my mind) that the odds of a work crush, even a mutual one, leading to anything beyond just a crush are slim to none? Does toying with the idea of what could be actually garner more excitement than if I had a real shot with this guy? Since thinking about it, I tell myself not to bother even trying to flirt with Yale. Really what's the point? We talk about our weekends and I walk (strut) away, trying not to linger for too long.

But then he'll take an unexpected stroll over to my desk to "check on" the project I'm doing for him. Or walk into the kitchen just seconds after I do. Or e-mail me with a question that could have easily waited until Monday. Excuses to say hi? Not sure. But I can't even pretend I'm not crushing when I find my fingers twisting my ponytail and an unusually girlish giggle coming out of me. Whether it's because he's a great guy or because he's unavailable, I don't know. But for now, at least he can brighten up a boring work day.

Tradition Turns... Sloppy

Remember last year when at our area Saint Paddy's Day Parade I got hammered and hooked up in a hotel lobby?

This year, inclement weather kept us from wandering too much, and we remained in the same bar for hours on end. We started drinking around 11 am and I guzzled beer after beer. Pacing myself? Not an option for this event.

Needless to say, by early afternoon I had developed a buzz and was feelin' pretty good. The bar was beginning to get crowded and I was running into acquaintance after acquaintance. After all my friends had gathered, we took our traditional car bombs. When Belinda couldn't finish hers, she gave it to me.

Uh oh.

My hand never void of a beer, I danced around like my usual self. Though drunk, I was also on a natural high since I was so excited that all my close friends were together for this annual event. Always on the prowl, I decided it was necessary to find someone nearby to make out with. Though the guy I was sort of seeing was in the other room of the bar, he wasn't doing it for me that day. Instead, I began getting touchy with one of the guys from our crew. This member of our crew, Marty, happened to be a guy I dated in high school for all of two weeks.

The rest of the afternoon is a bit fuzzy, and I ended up going to that guy I was seeing's apartment for a drunken rendezvous. Definitely nowhere near Marty.

The next morning, I woke up feeling like I'd gotten hit by a train. And while riding said train to work, Janelle informed me that I had made out with Marty.

I suddenly had a moment of clarity.

I looked at my cell phone and saw the outgoing text I was dreading.

"Sex?", sent to Marty at approximately 4:23 pm.

I deleted it, hoping that if it was erased from my phone maybe it'd be erased from memory as well.

Alright so, drunken me made a text proposition. To a guy I had no interest in, unless I had +/- 10 drinks in my system. Who I see frequently. And I was probably within three feet of him when I pressed send.

At least I was direct with my proposal.

I tried to forget, and luckily have yet to have any awkward encounters with Marty. And the girls have reassured me that he was probably just as drunk as I was. Phew. Maybe he forgot he ever recieved it. Even better, maybe he'd never gotten it!

Weeks later, I had moved on from the whole incident. That is until Porter made reference to my erased text.

Another parade day I'll just never live down.

The Dating Dilemma

My cousin is getting married in a few weeks. Tonight, I am forced to miss three of my good friends' joint birthday party to prepare for tomorrow's shower. Heaven forbid I show up to the shower with the unpleasant grimace of a hangover.

In any case, I suppose I'll just celebrate with the girls another night. But I, at age 23.5, am invited under the umbrella of my parents. And while I'm happy about not having to purchase gifts on my own limited funds, this also eliminates any possibility of bringing a date.

Fret not, there's no one I have an interest in taking. In fact, I thought intensely about who I would bring should I have the option. Would I really like to bring a guy around my ENTIRE extended family? Especially one who isn't my boyfriend? Or unlikely ever going to become my boyfriend? And then bear the questions about him for months (if not years) to come? Unlikely. But what if I did have someone in mind, and didn't have the option to take him. Even if I thought he could handle a bunch of wacky drunks, would I want to bear the thought of answering endless questions? I don't know. But I guess I won't have to worry about it, either.

Double Blind

Janelle has been talking to a friend of a friend via text. They made plans to meet up last night. I think both Janelle and "Kevin" believed this might be an awkward first meeting, so they each decided to bring a friend. Always ready for an adventure and sans other plans, I excitedly agreed.

How bad could it be after all?

All I knew about the kid was that he was apparently funny and had red hair. We will call him "Doug". Janelle barely knew "Kevin" anyway, and we figured we'd save questions involving work and hobbies for the bar.

We arrived, dressed to the nines (figuring we'd want to look good if we had to escape) at a relatively casual bar. We began with a rather normal introduction. Unfortunately "Doug" was not remotely my type. Janelle lucked out, but neither seemed to be a great catch. We arrived and they'd already had three rounds, "Doug's" choice of drink being Disaronno on the rocks. Seriously? Amaretto?

I tried to think positive.

We ordered our vodka tonics for ourselves and neither guy even offered to pay. We discussed work, and mentioned our administrative jobs at pretty major financial firms. Both guys looked dumb founded and hadn't heard of either. Perplexed, I made my usual witty jokes. Few of which garnered laughs from the Red. He mostly looked confused and seriously didn't know what house music was.

One vodka tonic quickly turned into four. "Kevin" was generous enough to buy a round of shots also.

Finally we left the first bar and moved onto another with more of a party atmosphere. And an incredibly favorable girl:guy ratio.

Janelle and I ordered another drink, and "Doug" ran off to find his man crush.

YES!

Freed of this roundish and fire-colored burden, I looked around and tried to pick out someone more attractive and on my level of normalcy. I chatted it up with a few of the guys, exchanging numbers with one (a cage fighter whose abs felt rock hard through his shirt). I danced around, chugged beers with a new friend, and snapped pics of Janelle and "Kevin" making out at the bar.

At least one of us was getting lucky.

Soon after I forgot about "Doug", the lights went on and the bouncers ushered us out of the bar. I found Janelle and "Kevin" and was then forced to walk back to the car with them and "Doug".

Gag.

I tried to jump into the passengers seat as quickly as I could, but "Doug" pulled me back. He instructed me to give Janelle and "Kevin" some alone time before they left.

Gag.

He then pushed me up against a neighboring SUV and told me to kiss him. WHAT? I refused and tried moving around. He went in for the smooch, and when I pulled away, he tried again.

OHMYGOD.

Never again.

The Leach

Janelle is one of my best friends, and one with whom I usually have successful manhunting adventures. She is much more a relationship person than yours truly, and even refers to some of our Single Friend adventures as "husband hunting". Though neither of us are ready for a sparkly rock, she does bring up a good point in looking for a guy who isn't going to be just a fling.

Well, around New Year's... She found one.

They began with a whirlwind romance. Texting and calling each other regularly, planning their Valentine's Day getaway, and even (prematurely) meeting each other's parents.

Janelle was happy with this situation. She liked him and saw that he had potential. I witnessed some uber-adorable PDA and, though happy for Janelle, was concerned I would be losing one of my few Single Friends.

That is until they had sex.

The guy came to visit her on a Sunday, which they spent having brunch with another couple and wandering around the city. Throughout their day, they (attempted) intercourse FIVE times. And each time, poor Janelle barely got off before it was over. Two minutes. Done and done. So in one day they had sex for a total of ten minutes.

So much for that perfectly (if not too quickly) blossoming relationship. Thank God she took the car for a test drive.

At this point poor Janelle was unbelievably turned off. She wanted to give him the axe. How could this work if the sex was so TERRIBLE?

Belinda and I kind of felt bad for the guy. Janelle has to be the hottest girl he's ever hooked up wth. He was surely nervous and intimidated. And he was great in every other aspect, so why not give him a shot?

I will tell you why. Note that this was +/-3 Weeks into their "relationship" and he was already calling her his girlfriend. To complete strangers. And to Janelle. Problem #2? Yes.

And there was more. When Two Minute Man came to visit Janelle another time, he parked in a garage where he had to give the attendant his keys. Upon returning to his car, he noticed his bag of pot and pool stick were missing. (Pool stick? Appparently he's really into playing pool. Put this on the Cons list as well). A couple days went by and Janelle hadn't really been as warm as fuzzy as before, trying to detach herself slowly and avoid hurt feelings.

A bunch of us were at a bar watching the NFL Playoffs, eating, drinking, and having a great time. Well, Two Minute Man realized he was incredibly angry about his pot getting stolen. Dumbass. So while we're trying to enjoy Sunday Funday, Two Minute Man was NONSTOP texting Janelle, saying he was going drive an hour to beat up the parking garage attendant and asking her to leave the bar. She was giving him the cold shoulder and he wasn't getting it. Trying to calm him down and it wasn't working. Two Minute was turning into a leach.

This continued throughout the entire afternoon. He would call, she would try her best to be nice but firm. But essentially, the Two Minute LEACH was driving her crazy. I was starting to understand her frustration. He was latching on AND bad in bed? No good. Utterly terrible if you ask me.

This nonsense continued for a few more days. The Leach incessantly called, texted, etc. He was even bothering Janelle at work on numerous occassions when she wasn't immediately responding to his texts. Clearly he wasn't getting it. Claiming she was uber busy and couldn't talk at work, she began to "dump him" via text.

After three weeks of not really dating, you aren't technically dumping someone after all.

Once again, the Leach failed to understand that there might be an issue. He proceeded to tell Janelle that she was perfect and everything he was looking for. She became more and more disgusted with his nonsense and had to start getting mean. And he still wasn't getting it. This went on for far too long, until Leach decided to give up with Janelle and call her best friend Lila for a more in depth explanation.

Poor Lila had to try to smooth things over while somehow getting the Leach to understand Janelle was done with him.

Yet even still, he wasn't getting it. Two weeks after she had stopped talking to him, she was home for a party. He was asking if he could come see her after work.

The Leach is either dumb or oblivious, but she gave up on even answering his desperate texts.

Sad, really. Since the Leach had such potential. But it does make me wonder if we girls seem this pathetic when we aren't getting the hint. I mean, she told him straight out she didn't want to do whatever they were doing anymore. But he still wanted to try, try again. Was he genuinely that interested in her or just bothered that he was (harshly) rejected? Either way, things may have moved a bit fast. I just hope I'm never as dumb as the Leach.